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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome many obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often taken by surprise by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her social circle vanished during that time, because they seemed drawn to the spouse. It shocked her. She made increased attention to be my friend, likely grasped more acutely what friendship was.

The Pattern In Relationships

Throughout this period, many of her friends have drifted apart leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, even though she was an excellent employee, her exit happened not understanding what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my position between us is as the audience. I start subjects and she changes conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she has unyielding views. I try to propose factchecking and alternate views.

She has been organizing a holiday abroad I have traveled to on several occasions even called home for some time. I tried to share personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely solely sought validation of her choices. I have come back from four weeks in that place she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to be a friend who cuts and runs without a word, however, I feel she will ever grasp the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I am in pulling back. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, however, that approach is seldom the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for working things out takes courage and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially involves describing the usual pattern when you talk. This needs to be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. The second involves sharing how this makes you feel. Ideally, there's no dispute on this point. What you feel are valid, after all. Finally involves requesting how you are both going to change the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to remain ready to listen to her. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering better communication.

Key Takeaways

She might reject your concerns, as some people cling to a self-protecting mindset: they rely on a version regarding their experiences they're unable to abandon because their very survival depends upon it and it represents they've known. This is difficult because there's no easy route here, just dead ends. Yet she could initially present this way before reflecting on your words. And should you never reach a resolution, it provides peace from having been open and direct.